Rowan’s Journal
Rowan Buckman began recording his thoughts after Operation Cornflame Moon and burning part of Ambleside. It’s his scattered attempt to keep track of all that has happened thus far that he knows about, as well as a place to express his emotions. Keeping them pent up for them to erupt certainly didn’t help the citizens of Ambleside, and Rowan can’t let that happen again. He doesn’t title entries, but rather titles correspond to game session names and dates. For more concise summaries of all Ancient Alive sessions, see The Story So Far. "Bonds of the Earth" (August 14, 2019) Dear Journal, I need to turn things around. Five days ago, I was all about Rowan. I wanted to know the origins of my powers. I wanted to find out what happened to Jonah. I wanted some sort of resolution. Needless to say, I screwed up. So many people died, and I'm mostly to blame. Solum died. I burned the Mulberrys' and Coopers' houses. I assumed those houses had been empty, but Edna said "Jack the Pumpkin Man" hadn't shown up to deliver pumpkins. Now, there's two explanations for this. Either he didn't show up because my parents had left the pumpkin patch, or he burned alive in his own home. But if I learned anything growing up with Jack Mulberry, it's that "Jack the Pumpkin Man" prided himself on gathering pumpkins from all the local farms to deliver around the region. And the other farms should be fine. So being a self-absorbed asshole helped nobody. So this is the part of my life where I turn things around, right? Wrong. So, we were taking the priest of Grumbar (Coseismus) with us, keeping him exhausted enough to not kill us but rested enough to not kill him. Luther had left with Solum's remains, I assume to give him a proper burial. Bless his poor soul. We wind up in Nestle, and Red shiftily left, muttering something about a Queen? Blumenthal trails her, so it's Midnight, Andif, Medrash, a half-dead priest, and me. Except, since now there's wanted posters of me everywhere, I'm disguised as "Yew," a bald, gruff, merchant with a deep voice and a nasty scar over his left eye. Andif really has a knack for disguises. So we walk into a tavern, The Edesian, to find out Edna's the owner. And Edna is pissed. Luckily, before she can yell at me too much, we run into more of her friends(?), others who are wrapped up in this Yro business with the Lyreguard. Rosamund, a halfling woman, and apparently her "freshly ten" son, Tigger. However, Tigger says he can turn into a kangaroo, so I have a hunch that he's more than he seems. This motley crew tries to come up with a plan to destroy the primordial artifacts. We worry that if the crown is needed to destroy the staff, maybe the others are also linked. E.g., maybe the staff destroys the orb, and the orb destroys the wand. Moving "forward," i.e. crown-staff-orb-wand in this scenario, we'd recklessly have to collect them all and risk someone destroying the world. Edna came up with the brilliant plan to go backwards (wand-orb-staff-crown, in this scenario) - where only two at a time would need be gathered. She also suggested maybe it was a circle: it makes sense that a water-controlling wand could destroy the fiery crown, and the Istishians didn't nix that idea. In that case, destroying the crown where it was made, the Redmane manor, is a "backdoor" methods. If the other artifacts have backdoor methods, we wouldn't have to collect power at all. Maybe Detective Agocha has found another way to destroy the staff back in Galik? We need to know more about the wand and orb (hostage Coseismus can help us with the staff). So Edna goes to chat up a table of Istishians and Aegirians to figure out the wand's location and how it might be destroyed. Maybe it's on an island/is an island near Isonhound? Things go south, though, because those water followers had seen Edna snatch the crown a while back in Galik. With her cover blown and the rest of us below them in a tiny basement, we're cornered and thoroughly screwed. We make it out alive only because three of us turn invisible, Rosamund hides, Tigger looks like an innocent boy (though is he?), and we hand Midnight over to them. Apparently she did some crazy stuff in Galik with Yro, and Tigger, Rosamund, and Edna don't trust her (maybe I shouldn't trust, her too? but her advice would have saved Solum and Jack's lives). Edna ~voluntarily goes with the water followers, saying she'll help them destroy the crown, which they believe to be in the Lyreguard citadel in Galik. Luckily, it was on Medrash's invisible person the whole time. And during that whole scenario, did I help a single person? No. I cast mage armor, false life, and invisibility. I'm a self-serving coward that didn't even toss Andif a pumpkin spice healing potion. So now we have no plan, no Edna, and now we've burned some time. If that wasn't enough, apparently it was enough time for Coseismus to rest, and he had his powers back. He could kill us all right there, probably, and we could barely put up a fight. Luckily, he had other ideas. We hadn't killed him when we had the chance, and we hadn't hurt Nestle, either. So, he was willing to team up with us to destroy the crown. Heck, he was willing to team up with the Istishians. However, all these religious factions have their own secrets, and each wants to protect their own artifact, so we can't cozy up too much with any one of them. So now our party (the "Camel Crusaders") has a Grumbarian follower in the mix. I want to hate this man that cut Solum in two, but Coseismus' story hit me hard. As a 19-year-old, he was buried alive as some sick punishment for his parents' unpaid debts. And he survived, a miracle from the distant, "lost" god that gave him new powers. Now, I was 16 when I hurt Jonah, but I know how it feels to be lost and scared and with new abilities. That's how I still feel today sometimes. I want to hate this monster, but I can't. And the way Edna spoke to me - I think she thinks I'm a monster, too. Father Seneca and all the domain must think I'm a monster. And maybe they're right. But maybe us monsters can stick together and do something right for once. We're headed to Galik for Edna and more information. And here's to another chance to be less about "me, me, me", and more about Yew. Yours, Rowan Buckman TL;DR Istishians now have Midnight captive and Edna "free." They're headed to Galik to steal Yro from the Lyreguard citadel. However, Yro is actually with the "Camel Crusaders" - Andif, Medrash, Rosamund, Tigger, Rowan, and Coseismus (a powerful Grumbaran). This Cru is headed to Galik behind them to meddle in the situation, get more information from the Crystal Tower, and maybe finally hatch a plan about what to do about all these artifacts. The staff is held in an underground vault at the Howling Crag, in one of 7 Grumbarian holds. Only a fiend/demon can open the vault. Coseismus has been there once. There's a prophecy, ~"The day the ground turns liquid, a false prophet will rise for a new evil." "Home Again. Home Again." (August 26, 2019) Dear Kaikias, This was supposed to be a journal, but why would I tell a journal everything? You're the one I told everything to. So while you'll probably never see this, I like to imagine that maybe one day I can get this to you and things can be good again. I can't promise I can stay forever in your cottage - I told my father I'd find him in Pepper Chine, so I'm not sure where my "happily ever after" will be. Hopefully one day I can actually earn one, after what I did in Ambleside. I spent two days in Galik making potions of healing for Tigger and Rosamund (sorry, I changed your recipe to be more pumpkin-y). I didn't have much coin to spend, but maybe I could have spent those days researching whatever the hell these powers are in the Crystal Tower, like I had planned so long ago. So long ago? I guess about two weeks ago, but it's been a jam-packed two weeks. And I think I made the right decision. Apparently Tigger is actually a huge Rakshasa (I thought they were extinct?), but he still deserves a healing potion. And I did help people, kinda, with a magic-infused speech that seemed to bolster their wellbeing a bit. It's a new trick, but hopefully it'll help keep people alive. Speaking of new tricks, I found this piece of mica that makes my powers tingle. There's power behind that door, and I want to open it in combat, but thankfully we haven't needed it yet. Tigger and Edna spotted me some gold for a disguise kit and food, and Tigger even gave me lots of darts. We may be wary of each other at times, but I think we may be becoming friends. However, "wary" would be an understatement for the round table discussion Dutharr organized with Midnight, Coseismos, Father Chancel (a high-ranking Istishian), and the normal crew ("A Few for the Many," now). If Dutharr had offered us any money for Operation Cornflame Moon, I would have offered it to Red, but he didn't. I did pass Yro to her, Grindseed, and Blumenthal, though. Yro's voice is...unnerving. He did unintentionally remind me of how lonely I am now. Fuck Jonah. Salreen and Deathladder were both kinda cute in their own way, but I can probably do better than a shady Istishian and member of a deadly cult. Priorities: # Work on this primordial artifact problem, and keep the realm from being destroyed. # Keep my teammates alive. # Find love. Figure out my powers. # Find love, or at least a lay? Dutharr also dropped the ball by having mercenary Neurapupils (?) in the room, who may have been tipping off the Banites for most of the meeting. So that sucks. Also, apparently "Ulgon" is just a title, and the Banites had crowned (?) a new Ulgon (who we captured). The Banites are still lurking in the streets of Galik. They stole the head of Bruneld Redmane to keep us from destroying Yro, and the new Ulgon mentioned something about letting loose Iyachtu? We need to learn more about that from Agocha or the Tower. Then, we might infiltrate the Banites to get the head back, using the password and address new Ulgon gave us (though it's probably a trap). He silently wrote it down (not technically speaking ''a lie like the truth serum might forbid) and used weaselly words, so I really think it's a trap. If we don't want him killed in his cell, we should keep someone we can trust posted guard. Hell, if it's a death trap, '''maybe let's send 32-tooth Tommy into it'. He's locked up, and Medrash killed two of his three teammates. Medrash is a deadly loose cannon, but his reckless bold moves have often worked out well. Andif really shone tonight with her deception, though. I'm glad she's putting that wand of commands I gave her to good use. We have some leads on the other artifacts, too, though I don't want to risk writing down too much. Needless to say, we have our work cut out for us. Also, I'm still not 100% sure Dutharr is Dutharr. He messed up/coded his name as "Thudar," and messed up Luther's name slightly (though I messed up Luther's race, so I guess that's fair). He said he was Dutharr and he was doing this of his free will under the truth serum, but it's possible to resist the effects. I guess we have to trust him for now. Kaikias, some days I wish it was just me and you alone in the cottage again. None of this politics, this deception and danger. You would know what to do here. Yours, Rowan Immediately Preceding "All the Difference" (September 6, 2019) '' Below the Aegirian church isn't an ideal training ground, but I guess slinging spells with my Wanted posters around isn't the best idea. Coseismus seems to think this circular central alcove should work, and I guess the structure does look pretty strong. The walls could take a beating easily and remain stable.'' "I know what you can do with that...abomination, but what can you do without it?" The Grumbaran priest still despises Yro, and I can't blame him. "Firebolts." He frowns, and I begin listing the rest of my small repertoire. "I can shoot a ray of frost. I can make lights, pick things up, go invisible, send magic darts -" "That." A man of many words. He etches a charcoal "X" on the curved wall, backs away, and points. I'll hit all four corners of the "X," just to show him I'm fine without Yro. I widen my stance a little and close my eyes, imagining the door for magic missiles - tall and somewhat ornate, with curling motifs. I go to open the door in my mind, my right hand preparing to thrust and the shout building my throat. Right as I open the door and unleash the energy, though, a flash of jet black hair fills my vision. An icy blue ball flies from my and hand crashes wildly into the wall, leaving a small patch of frost. Shit. I can't remember him now. '' ''Coseismus looks at me a bit confused; he hasn't seen my magic act up before. Don't other spellcasters have these problems? I shake my head, grit my teeth, and try again. Green, piercing eyes this time, and another icy beam bursts out. No. I don't wait for Coseismus now, and try again and again. Pink lips. Frost. Coarse hands. Frost. I imagine instead the furnace door for firebolts, attempting to swing it wide open in my mind's eye. I hear his laughing cut short in a shocked gasp. More frost. Part of the wall is now coated in a thin sheet of ice. I'm bent over, tears running down my face. I don't remember when I started crying. My cheeks burn red from grief that's turning into embarrassment and rage. Coseismus takes a few steps toward me, starting "You need to -" "I DON'T NEED ANYONE!" I stomp with a thunderous ''CRACK! ''that echoes around the basement and up the stairs. The floor around me fractures, and I'm lucky we're on the lowest floor. I stop in surprise, the pent up anger released. My chest suddenly feels hollow, and the tears haven't stopped. Coseismus looks somewhat impressed. "Well that looks new. Maybe you don't need anyone after all." He shuffles close, "but a little training and some help never hurt anyone." The burly man leans in even closer, and softly continues. "I don't know all the things in your past. But as someone raised from his grave, I can say you can leave it behind. Let it be buried, and follow what's calling next." Looking into his eyes, I know he means it. I wipe my face on my sleeve and manage to grimace back at him. Forget Jonah - my story lies ahead. Coseismus backs up, and continues the training. "You need to not let the magic pent up, Rowan..." ''the Difference" picks up here "Run While You Still Can" (Sept. 20, 2019) Dear Kaikias, I saw his body disintegrate. Dutharr is dead. Agocha is dead. Father Chonszul is dead. Wanda and Croach are probably dead. Tigger has been captured to get to the staff. And we couldn't even land a blow on whatever that...''thing Iyachtu was. I prevented Rosamund from drowning, but left her to die. Edna saved her, like a real hero. I escaped with the help of the Lone Wanderer, who turned out to be a bounty hunter that wants to sell me out to Father Seneca. A good amount of us got away with Yro, the orb of circulation devastation, and the plans, but overall? Today was not a good day. Rowan "Interlude: The Problem with Scrying" (Oct. 3, 2019) Dear Kaikias, Remember the mouse the winter we spent together? It was getting into our food, and we tried to get rid of it to no avail. And then the problem stopped, and a couple of days later we found the mouse dead in a metal bucket. It got in, but it couldn't clamber up the smooth sides and starved to death. I don't feel for mice much, but I don't like the idea of an animal starving alone and afraid. Our problem was incidentally solved, but not in any way that sat right with me. My problem with the Lone Wanderer was incidentally solved in a way that doesn't sit right with me. He's dead. I had turned both of us invisible for reasons, he snuck away, and he found some sort of competition to fight monsters for gold. And the bounty hunter must have bitten off more than he could chew, because Coseismus heard he didn't make it. Now I'm not gonna mourn for the goliath that wanted to sell me out to Father Seneca, but I don't like the image in my head. The image of him being alone and afraid - whatever he felt, and if it was like what Solum felt, what Dutharr felt, what Jack felt. Part of me feels like it's my fault. Without my invisibility, he may have stayed with the group, and he could be alive right now. But I guess I can't control other people. He chose to go into that ring, so I guess he reaped what he sowed, if not what he deserved. On a lighter note, I guess I'm a realm traveler now? Andif's mentor Lucian teleported us back to her music school in Pteris - Laergul, in the city of Jewelspar. They know a lot of magic there, and they control it with music. That's not me, I think. I'm not a bard. And I don't think I get my powers from a god like Coseismus or Edna, so I guess I'm not a cleric. I'm not sure what that makes me. I should talk to Medrash more (whenever he gets back from searching Pteris) - maybe his powers are like mine? In any case, even though I'm not a bard, I unlocked a lot of doors there; I know a lot more tricks. These spells came with certain props and actions taught by an....eccentric Aarakocra named Catnip. I'm not sure if they're real or whether he was just pulling my leg, but the magic seems to work so I guess I'll do what he says. Andif stayed behind at the school, and I feel torn. I'm proud of her for facing her tumultuous past with Lucian in a healthy manner. It's better than burning down the school with Yro, or more realistically just running from her past. But I'm worried about how long she'll be there. I have no idea how long she plans to stay, whether she'll rejoin the group to save the realm, and if there will even be a realm left to save by then (no pun intended). At one point she said she was not okay. I hope she's okay now. I guess once again I need to respect other's decisions; I just pray they're the right ones. On a last note, I learned about stuff called "scrying" and "non-detection magic." There's so much in this world that I never learned in Wistness. There's elven cities across the sea and different types of magic casters. There's beauty and danger in this world, Kaikias. Things to fight and things to fight for. My wish is that, if I do leave this realm, I don't do it alone and afraid. I want it to be surrounded by friends and brave in the face of death. Yours, Rowan "Set Sail for Grumbar" (Nov. 15, 2019) Dear Kaikias, The Lone Wanderer had a friend, and he's the captain of our ship??? He doesn't speak much, but if it weren't for his actions I think The Ellipses ''would have been sunk by pirates. I can't make the same mistake of trusting complete strangers again, so I've been going by "Yew" even around AFEW. I want to trust everyone like I used to in Ambleside, but after the Lone Wanderer incident, Wanda and Croach leading the Baknights to our doorstep, and someone giving Blumenthal's brews to kobolds, I shouldn't be so naïve. I've dropped the dumb low voice, though - we're far from anyone who could recognize Rowan Buckman's voice. There's so many new faces around, and I don't know who'll want that 4,000gp bounty. Maybe Lone Wanderer's friend. At the same time, I really want him to live, and I gave him a healing potion. I guess that's my thing - damage control. I can't save Lone Wanderer or Ambleside, so now I just have to help his friend and try to stop the end of the world. I don't want anyone else to die. Speaking of which, another teammate died - a gnome named "Keylen" [Caoilfhoinn]. She was crazy, turning into an octopus midair and then being enlarged into a monster by Andif. Every time I think I begin to understand magic, something entirely new like that surprises me. At the end of the fight, she took several cannon hits and was mashed into some taffy-like pulp. The sight of someone's insides and Edna's fireball - it all brought me back to that night in Ambleside. Unlike Ambleside, though, Edna performed a miracle: she brought Keylen back to life! And then she gave Keylen one of my potions! I know it didn't do much, but I'm glad something I did could help a little. One last thing - while we killed the captain of the pirates ("Captain Prettyfingers", a busty woman) and most of the crew of The Rambunctious Shark'', about three or four got away after doing some major damage to the hull of '' The Ellipses''.'' '' I think we'll be fine, but I can't help but worry a little. Groups against us that we've mostly defeated - like the Baknights or the adventuring crew of Robin Banks - have a tendency to pop back up. Hopefully this shark doesn't come back to bite us. Yours, Rowan P.S. After training with Coseismus for 18 days... I don't know. Everyone jokes about his butt, so I'm not the only one noticing it. I couldn't lie to him when Blumenthal, Andif, and Edna drugged him to get him onto the boat (Grumbaran clerics and water don't mix) - I just kinda sat there useless at the table. I don't know what I'm feeling or what this means, other than I wouldn't say no if the Grumbaran asked me to get his rocks off. Dear Kaikias, I know a new spell, but it feels...different from the others. Its door unlocked last night when my magic surged for the first time in awhile. I was terrified something terrible would happen, but instead something just clicked into place in my mind. When I cast it today, I felt something warm on my back. I reached backwards and found my staff warm to my touch. I brought it out, an uncommon occurrence since I've been dressing as Yew, and it was gleaming white and almost vibrating with power. I whacked a rock sitting next to the mangonel, and light engulfed the rock for a brief flash. As my vision cleared, I saw the rock glowing. It faded when I stopped focusing on the spell. Does this mean something? I don't know. I want to ask Coseismus, but he's still asleep under the effects of Blumenthal's potion. I want to talk to him about everything again, like I did in training. At least he looks peaceful when I check in on him every evening. Maybe I should ask Chet? He said he didn't learn his magic, like me. He seems like my best bet to figure out more, but even he said he couldn't help me control it. How can he control his magic, then? I wasn't entirely honest with him when he began asking me questions last night, but I opened up a little. Looking at all his expensive clothes, I didn't think 4,000gp would mean much to him wherever he came from (the Sextons or something in Galik, maybe?). This is probably a terrible idea, though - trusting the new fella who has a demon walking around deck and tried speaking to me in a freaky-sounding language. I responded in Ibixian - you would've gotten a kick out of it. Did he do that because he thinks I have a demon like him or something? I wonder if, while he's on our side, Chet is the kind of...dark spellcaster that Father Seneca accused me of being? I don't know. A lot has happened in these few days. I hope things slow down when we get to the Grumbaran hold, but I doubt that. Yours, Rowan P.S.: Keylen mentioned needing to be on another continent. Maybe she's on the lam like me? "Attack of the Flying Hawk Mage" (Jan. 12, 2020) Dear Coseismus, Here I am, on this boat, while everyone is out risking their lives. While you're out risking your life. You better come back. After being stuck on it all day, I've realized The Ellipses is a fitting name for this boat. The waiting, the pause in the space before something happens and you don't know if it'll be good or bad, if all your friends are dead or captured or burning down another village. You spared me from the battle, Coseismus, and I'm grateful for that. But if everyone else dies in that hold, I don't know how I'll go on with even more blood on my hands. Rowan Dear Coseismus, Why didn't you come back? I can't get a straight answer from anyone, and I'm worried. You said "Don't forget me," and I couldn't forget you, but why did you go? Why did you leave us, Coseismus? I just want to destroy the staff with the crown, but we also can't sacrifice Tigger, so I don't know what to do anymore. You would know what to do. And now we're going to sail across the ocean to Pteris, leaving wherever you are behind. Keylen covered the ship in glitter in preparation for Sparklemas, and I can barely crack a smile. Time heals all wounds? Yours, Rowan Dear Coseismus, Okay, but the new recruits are actually amazing?! Ynnis gave everyone Sparklemas presents and he's not even a gnome? He gave me nice robes, and I don't think my parents would have recognized me - bald head, fancy clothes. (I've been growing my hair back out on this trip, since Ambleside's across the sea. I hope you'd like it.) Keylen isn't on the lam - she just wanted to celebrate Sparklemas with her family in Osugbo. I understand wanting to be with family. And she's kind, insisting on searching for shipwrecked gnomes. A party barge was capsized by a huge wall of water (the wand?) - we found and saved five. That's 25 more probably dead. Everyone dies, Coseismus, and I don't know what to do about it. Sorry, anyway, Chet has been super helpful and cool. I trusted him with my whole story to try to get some answers about my powers. Apparently, people like us that get our magic naturally are called "sorcerers," but he still thinks something is afoot he can't pin down. He said something about going to hell or the abyss or something, maybe? Not only is he helping me find out my powers, but he saved me. I've been a bit reckless foolhardy ambitious with my magic recently, and my magic has surged more. At first, I thought things were all good (I can see in the dark, now!), but then I turned into a pumpkin. Chet was the one, though, to bargain with Golkont the Hawk Mage to remove the curse. Golkont was what you might call "conventionally attractive," but not my type, of course. Chet asked for old spellbooks from Golkont, so I guess sorcerers can learn spells from spellbooks? I should ask around for spellbooks from him and Medrash - they can do cool stuff I wish I could do. I miss training with you, Coseismus. I'm not a Grumbaran, but being on this boat does make me miss flowers and greenery - instead it's just blue waves and red skies. I hope it's beautiful where you are. Always yours, Rowan P.S. I felt out of my league in the room with Chet and Golkont, but now I'm kicking myself for not asking him about my powers. Should I try to send him a letter or something? I know this ironic to write in a journal entry that looks like a real letter. "By Land or By Sea" (Jan. 25, 2020) Dear Coseismus, First, we're taking a demonic(?) child "Nim" with us into the mountains to find the source of these storms in Pteris and possibly get the orb. I'm seriously worried about having his life on our hands. I gave him my last healing potion, but that's about all I can do and it's practically nothing compared to the dangers of adventuring. I didn't want to take him, and I thought it might be better to pursue Golkont at sea instead of searching for the orb inland, but we make decisions as a team, and I just need to do my best to help the team. Second, Ynnis is apparently a noble high-elf turned into a goblin by an evil hag, who will remove the curse if Ynnis becomes rich and famous and gives her whatever his family values the most? When everyone got quiet to hear his trauma, it reminded me of when I recapped my past to a silent audience before we entered Ambleside and everything changed. When we met you, and you killed Solum, and so much burned. He has pain too, Coseismus, and a family and dreams. What you said back on the Ellipses, ''that I was "special" or had something to live for or whatever - I don't think that's true. All of these wonderful people are special and have dreams and family (biological or not). I think relationships can make someone special to you'', but I don't think that makes someone generally special. Third, Chet is lying about being a sorcerer. He's actually a wizard (someone who studies magic with a spellbook). I had asked to see his spellbook, and he explained how it wouldn't help and that he was lying to not seem like a nerd. I'm not sure I believe that, but I don't understand his whole "bruh" thing, so he could be telling the truth. I truly want to believe him after all he's done for me and the team. Always yours, Rowan Dear Coseismus, Shit. Where do I begin? I guess, following my last entry, I'd say # Nim is still alive. He was knocked unconscious when a landslide ambush by rat(?) bandits, but I saw Maverick give him the healing potion next to his limp body. I'm glad that I can still do some damage control. # Ynnis got me some sparkling wine from'' The Bar from Afar '' (a magically shrunken bar in a moving wagon). I hadn't drank anything because I thought Muddy Hillcloak and his bar was sketchy (it turned out to also covertly sell giant-fighting gear) and I was worried the drinks were poisoned or charmed or something. I had some the following day after nobody showed signs of poisoning. I don't want to be a wet blanket, but it wasn't great? I guess my teetotaling dad would be proud that I wasn't in love with my first drink? And he got everybody umbrellas for the constant rain from the giants' storms. And he turned me invisible while we were running away from the giant Mong, when I was too worried about a magic surge to turn myself invisible. Why is he so kind? What if he...? In any case, I wish I could be so generous and useful. # Edna also has a spellbook that was almost stolen by rat bandits that said something like, "Give us the spellbook, wizard!" I didn't think clerics had spellbooks, since they got powers from gods? I should talk to her about clerics. The more I can understand how people use magic, the more I might understand my powers. I hope she's not lying about being a cleric, but now I just sound paranoid after uncovering Chet's lie. Why would she lie about being a cleric? In the large picture, we were ambushed by rat bandits, a storm giant came out and attacked us, we somewhat defeated it in an intense battle, and then we learned the giant (Mong) was working for Golkont. Golkont has made a deal with dozens of giants in the mountains to make an enormous storm that could summon the orb. He told (lied to?) them that dragons would be returning, and that if they could summon the orb, he would tell them where the dragon is. He also asked them to be quiet about this, similar to the secrecy agreement signed by those who encountered him on the '' Ellipses''. Either a) he told the truth about the dragons, and he's a good adventurer trying to defeat dragons and accumulate the primordial artifacts, b) he lied about the dragons, but he's still a good adventurer trying to accumulate the artifacts, or c) he lied about the dragons, and wants to accumulate the artifacts for something sinister. He is rumored to have the wand of Ishtihia already and caused the party-barge sinking wall of water. The secrecy around the incident with the giant hawk and the gnome, and the fact that they changed Chet's memories of meeting Golkont, seem to suggest b) or c) to me. I really hope it's b.) Personally, I didn't hit a single foe that entire encounter. I was useless, getting knocked out or running away when I thought that was the team's plan. After Ynnis' help with invisibility, he turned back to help others and dropped invisibility. I turned visible, too, and I had flashbacks to Lone Wanderer. Turning him invisible, dropping invisibility, and him being gone and dead because of me. I couldn't take it. I cracked. And I couldn't handle the....crackling potential of the chaotic energy in me. I chose to let it surge, this time. I thought maybe I'd learn something hidden about my past, something to give meaning to these powers that have ruined my life. Instead, I just grew younger. Now I look exactly like when it all started, with the kitchen table in Ambleside. I've gotten nowhere in all these years. I wanted knowledge, and what have I got? That I can smite like a paladin and that Chet thinks it might have to do with demons? I supposedly want to help people, and all I do is run away and let people die. I asked my friends to not let me run away in a speech awhile ago, but I can't count on that. I need to hold myself accountable. Everybody has something to live for, and I need to fight to protect them. I feel like I've heard something about paladins and oaths? Maybe, with these increasing paladin powers that come from magic surges, I should take ownership of this, and maybe an oath will help me match my actions to my ideals. Yours, Rowan